Sigh the stupidity of youth

I'm going into this giant fight with my ex-fiance right now and it really makes me see the plain fact she doesn't understand way to damn much.  Shes 18 I'm 22 surprisingly I've gone through an extreme amount of shit in my life and so has she but the difference is I've learned from my mistakes and I was'nt sheltered.  Through out our relationship things were perfectly fine except for her complete lack of common sense and basic respect aspects.  As time went on I started a night job which really cut down on our time with each other cause while I was awake she was at college and work and when she had free time I was at work or sleeping so the only time we got together was a little here and there and most of the time it was made up of sex.  So that leaves the opening for the blinding emotion of "love" to dim down so you can really begin to see who the person is.  Just in general once that happens in all realationships the decision aspect of it kicks in whether this person really is your other half, are they right for you, and can you see a future with them.  My answer was no we got along on a lot but there were key differences that just did not fit.  I knew that later down the line we would have ended being at each others throats screaming hollering etc.  So in severing our relationship I've tried to explain and answer her questions and give support.  But in doing this it gives her the feeling that I really care and there's a second chance even though I've made it clear that would not happen in 5 or less years until she really experiences and learns from life. I guess the reason why I'm sticking around as support is because during the major break up in my life I never received any closure or support and its all I wanted.  Sigh I hate the fact that even though I'm a giant asshole I have a huge heart.  Now its being obvious that I need to push her away and twist the knife a little more I'll admit I made a major mistake I slept with her after we broke up which is misleading but I've tried to make that peace with that.  Now I have to push her away because even trying to be friends doesn't work we were never friends to begin with so she doesn't know how to be a friend with me.  So tips for all you people out there if you ever break up with someone unless that person knows how to be your friend NEVER fuck them again, do not chat with them, and don't hangout with them.  All your asking for is trouble and some weird clingy stalkerish thing >.<

My plan for life atm

Currently things are kinda looking down more neutral for the most part but its alright ill make it like usual.  My plan at this point is I need to find a job so i can keep my apt and stop myself from going into too much debt, then I'm going to start going to college so I can get some education underneath my belt, then move on from there hopefully be able to make things happen the way I want them to but either way I make things work.

Dont know why

I don't know why I do the things I do.  I know certain things are hardwired into my personality but at the same time things just don't seem worth it sometimes.  I've been really depressed lately but I try and see through it I mean I just lost my job became single and the things I want I can't have until later.  I hate thinking about doing another pointless job that will get me no where in life.  I want a career but most of that has to be done after college.  At the same time I can't do college without money and its just more and more of a pain to force myself to do the things I hate doing.  I want to give up and walk away but at the same time its the same everywhere I go.  I'm worried about losing my apartment and not seeing the one person who makes me happy in general.  God so much shit about life sucks right now but its just another day in the life I've made for myself...one day things will look better because I made it that way but I'll deal with what I've created so far.

2/17/2011

Well last night was pretty damn good got to spend some time with some of my good friends.  Today will be an interesting one I'm going out job hunting because online never seems to go my way.  Wish me luck!

Random Old Ass Rant But Holds Precedence

Sigh this is gonna be a little bit of a rant so bear with me. I'm sick and tired of the job market and how no matter how many applications and resumes I put out I keep getting denied. Also how the big personality tests stop you from getting a job when more then half of the people who fail would be the best people to work at these places. Also how unreliable most of these managers and places are right now that they never seem to call you back even after you've called to remind them. I need a damn job and I cant seem to get my hands on one I cut my damn hair to look professional! Still no results. I'm also sick and tired of how the government is so fucked up right now. Taxes and expenses, Idiots making "smart decisions", and people thinking boosting the damn gas prices is a good idea. People are getting rid of their cars and SUVs, small delivery business's having to change prices or having major issues. Everything in the past handful of years has went to shit with this country wish we could clean the decision making positions out for people with good heads on their shoulders. I'm sick and damn tired as to how my life is (not just complaining I have been trying it will just take more time but I can rant dammit!) I lost my damn fiance, my house, my car, and my way of life. I moved to Texas for a new start and I'm living with my brother to do it. I've been here for about 5-6 months and nothing is happening no matter what I do no job, no money, and no life. I'm riding a damn bike around a city that isn't at all bike friendly, I'm sleeping on a cot in my brothers living room I mean seriously how am i suppose to pick up girls and date and stuff if those are my resources. I'm tired of being lonely! I was with someone for about 3 years and I've always hated being on the market. *sigh* I'm gonna shut up before I overload this stuff. If you actually too the time to read this either your really bored or interested either way ty for reading.

I wrote this over two years ago and the same crap is still going on!!!

Woot now stuffs getting good

Oh sweet jesus I'm jobless now on top of that my mind is getting wrecked by the thought of a girl I've wanted for awhile now. *facepalm*

Wow talk about being alone

You know its one thing to be able to make a good decision. Its another to make a good decision that hurts for awhile.  Leaving my fiance is gonna hurt for awhile but in general I know it was for the right reasons.  I knew it wasn't gonna work out later for us and I'd preferred to end it on a good note instead of waiting for it to get bad.  But due to the fact that it was a good note its hard not to think of the good things and miss what I used to have.  Hell my roomates out in the living room having fun with his girl and everything and I'm stuck in my room atm with no one.  The one I want can't be here the one I used to have can't be here.  Siiiigh I guess its just another night of what I need to get used to...its still hard though.

Well things are getting better and better -.-

Well what can I say the last few weeks have been interesting to say the least.  Lets go down the list a little bit.  I injured my back at work been on med leave for a week, I left my fiance due to the fact I don't see it working in the future, my friend almost died (see last post), and I believe theres something wrong with my health. I'm losing too much weight not at all hungry and I feel like I'm going crazy!  bah I'll get back to yall on this until thanks for taking the time to read!

Sigh hospital fails

About a little under a week ago a good friend of mine went into the ER she had been coughing up blood for days and she was worried there was something horribly wrong.  So she gets to the ER goes through the same mumbo jumbo crap we all go through in the ER.  Sit there for like an hour as they all run and pace around like they are busy (I used to work in Hospitals I've watched people in the ER).  Finally she get seen now the charge nurse luckily was the first person she got to see he treated her right then handed the clipboard to a new nurse.  A crooked eyed dumbass bitch who ended up pumping an entire IV tube full of air directly into her veins almost killing my friend.  My friend was asking and begging for help due to the pain the air put her in causing a heart arrhythmia but this kmart eyed cunt just basically told her to shut up and drugged her to go to sleep so she wouldn't say anything! By the end of everything this stupid cunt of a nurse denies anything that happened even with witnesses so they discharge my friend to basically say good fucking luck! siiigh when did working in hospitals lose the aspect of actually taking care of someone no matter the problem? Fuck our system! and BTW the nurse only got a slap on the wrist for almost killing my friend....

Takers

Well tonight I just finished watching the movie Takers definitely a very good movie with quite a few twists I consider these "mission movies" a group of about 5 people set out to do a job/attack/mission.  I find mission movies to be good heart pounding movies that make you wanna go out and rob or take down a small country lmao!  I will definitely give this movie 3/5 lacking a little here and there story plot relatively seen before but for the most part definitely a good flick.