Dont know why

I don't know why I do the things I do.  I know certain things are hardwired into my personality but at the same time things just don't seem worth it sometimes.  I've been really depressed lately but I try and see through it I mean I just lost my job became single and the things I want I can't have until later.  I hate thinking about doing another pointless job that will get me no where in life.  I want a career but most of that has to be done after college.  At the same time I can't do college without money and its just more and more of a pain to force myself to do the things I hate doing.  I want to give up and walk away but at the same time its the same everywhere I go.  I'm worried about losing my apartment and not seeing the one person who makes me happy in general.  God so much shit about life sucks right now but its just another day in the life I've made for myself...one day things will look better because I made it that way but I'll deal with what I've created so far.